To Die Or Not To Die
by SiriusHorcrux1018
Summary: {COMPLETE} She held the knife above her wrist, trying to decide if she was making the right decision. He drove her to choose between life and death. . .
1. To Die or Not To Die

I don't own the poem "To Die For Love". I got it off fire hot quotes.com (to get there, just take out the spaces.)

~*~*~*~*~ To Die Or Not To Die ~*~*~*~*~  
  
I stood in the middle of kitchen, staring at the shiny object I held in my hand. It was sharp, and pointy. Perfect for me. I could almost imagine seeing it covered with blood. My blood.  
  
A tear slid down my cheek, but I refused to wipe it away. I was so confused, and hurt.  
  
I began to question myself. Did I want this? Did I want to die? Did I want my life to end?  
  
The answer came to me instantly. It was so clear to me.  
  
Yes.  
  
I wanted this. I needed this. I wanted to die. I wanted my life to end.  
  
I've been hurt one too many times.  
  
I was hurt by my so-called "friends" back in God knows where. I've lived almost everywhere in the whole world -- I think. All thanks to dear, old Daddy. Stupid ass is in the air force. Stupid ass gets transferred and doesn't care about what his daughter thinks.  
  
When we -- as in Daddy and I -- moved here, I thought my life would be different. It was different. Much different.  
  
I made new friends here. Friends that backed me up whenever I needed their support. I even snagged myself a boyfriend, and we became closer each day.  
  
I thought he was amazing. He was funny, honest, and smart and -- when he needed to be -- serious. He was also quite a cutie. Tall with silky, blonde hair, and such beautiful eyes. His eyes reminded me of the sky. They were the same colour as the sky. I could lose myself in them.  
  
He played guitar and on our six month anniversary, he sang me a beautiful song. I believe it was called, "How Do I Live?" by Leanne Rhymes. When he finished singing, he told me that he meant every word he sang. That song was my song. Our song.  
  
A month ago, we broke up. I saw him and another girl kissing.

  
I was crushed. My heart was in two pieces. To top it off, I ran away. He had tried to explain to me what happened, but I refused to let him explain anything. I ran home, crying.  
  
When I stopped crying, I had to choose between life and death.  
  
If I chose life, it meant I would have to live my life every day, depressed. Sure, I could get help. But I already tried that and it didn't work.  
  
If I chose death, it meant I would make myself, him and all my friends happy.  
  
Friends.  
  
Who needs them?  
  
Not me.  
  
They all drifted away from me, and ignored me. They were all busy with social activities and their own lives. They don't care about me. I'm betting they all wish I was dead.  
  
Well, if that's their wish, why not grant it? What's the harm in granting a fellow human's wish?  
  
I held the knife in front of my face. I could see my reflection in the blade. My shoulder-length brown hair was resting on my shoulders. My blue-green eyes, which usually sparkled with life, were empty and puffy from crying.  
  
As I held the knife in my hand, I began to speak a poem, I had written a year ago when I went through depression for the first time. I had called it, "Die for Love."  
  
_"I sit in the park, where I dwell,  
  
For this boy I love so well.  
  
He took my heart away from me,  
  
And now he wants to set me free.  
  
I see a girl on his lap,  
  
He says things to her he never said to me,  
  
I ran home to cry on my bed,  
  
Not a word to Mother was said.  
  
Father came home late that night,  
  
He looked at me from left to right.  
  
He saw me hanging from a rope,  
  
He took his knife to cut me down,  
  
And on my dress a note was found:  
  
Dig my grave,  
  
Dig it deep,  
  
Dig my grave from head to feet.  
  
And on the top,  
  
Place a dove,  
  
And remember this,  
  
I died for love. . . ."_

  
  
I raised the knife and held it over my wrist. I began to recite the rest of the poem.

  
_"Happily ever after,  
  
That's how they think you to think it will be,  
  
But it's not,  
  
Not at all in reality.  
  
The deaths, the tears, the fears, the falls,  
  
Through it all we still go on,  
  
The broken hearts,  
  
The cheating friends,  
  
So much pain that never ends.  
  
The fake smiles that seem to make everything ok,  
  
But not for you,  
  
Because you know the pain won't go away.  
  
Bright and cheery, but oh so weary,  
  
Because inside, your heart is breaking in two."_

  
  
I looked over at the suicide notes I've left to my father and friends. I knew the words by heart.  
  
'I know this is the right thing to do. I just know it.'

  
_"I'm giving up on loving you,  
  
I can't take the pain you've put me through.  
  
Deep down I know the feelings are always there,  
  
Maybe someday you will care.  
  
At least for now I can hide my pain,  
  
I know if I don't, I'll go insane.  
  
Our time apart has made me realize,  
  
There is no second chance when it comes to guys,  
  
I almost had you back one time,  
  
But of course, you changed your mind.  
  
The many excuses that you have told,  
  
Are getting lame and really old.  
  
We never talk anymore,  
  
It's like a room to your life,  
  
And you've slammed the door,  
  
It hurts to know you've shut me out,  
  
Now I know what love is all about.  
  
You're happy, then you cry and cry,  
  
Where there was truth, becomes all lies,  
  
All in all, it never ends for good,  
  
But then again, who thought it would?"_

  
  
There was a loud banging on the door. It startled me so badly, I almost dropped the knife. At first, I thought it was only thunder. But then, it happened again. Someone yelled and screamed my name over and over. I had to concentrate. I had to make this decision before someone could stop me.  
  
I slid the blade over the skin of my arm. Bright red blood oozed out of the cut, and I smiled. It felt good.

  
_"Why do I always end up thinking of you?  
  
Your voice, your smile, everything you do.  
  
At first, I thought this would never work out,  
  
I thought we would never last without a doubt.  
  
But I think I'm starting to see what no one else could, that it seemed,  
  
No one else would, we are perfect for each other,  
  
Without a doubt, and this time it really will work out."_

  
  
'Work out?! My relationship with him?' I nicked my arm.

  
'He hurt me!' I nicked my arm again.

  
'He betrayed me!' I nicked my arm for a third time, this time deeper.

  
The door burst open, and in ran my ex-boyfriend's best friend, with his little sister. His brown hair was perfect (as always) but his brown eyes shone in anger when he saw the blood oozing from my arm. His sister stared at the blood to and gasped.  
  
He walked towards me, and began to speak. I couldn't comprehend his words. I couldn't understand what he was saying.  
  
I began to feel light-headed. I dropped the knife, which was covered in blood. It clattered against the kitchen floor, and I began to sway. Then, darkness overtook me.

~*~*~*~*~ To Be Continued ~*~*~*~*~

**Well, how'd you like? Crappy? Not crappy? Please review and tell me your honest-to-God thoughts about this. I know it's kind of dark, and gloomy. But I wanted to try out this idea.**

**Anyway, I'm betting you all know who she was talking about. It was pretty easy, and if you don't know who that person was, you'll find out next chapter.**

**Oh and by the way, if the characters seem a little OOC, they aren't and you'll find out exactly why they acted like they did next chapter.**

**Please R&R!**


	2. The Truth Comes out

**Here's chapter two of "To Die or Not To Die". **

**Before I begin the chapter, I have looked over the . . ._ kind _reviews I've gotten, and I got to say something. So, here goes:**

**I received flames for the first chapter of this, and I am not surprised in the least, especially since this is the second time I posted it. I re-wrote it, trying to make it sound less Mary Sue-ish. . .**

**The only thing I'm really, and I mean _really, _pissed off about is if you're going to flame me, than _at least _put your name in the reviewer's name box. Stop running scared. If you give a flame to someone, but stay unknown, it just shows everyone that you're brave enough to flame that chapter/story, but it also shows everyone that you're too scared to deal with the author's reactions. **

**I am really pissed off with all of you people who think you're professional writers. Let me tell you something: you're not! Nobody on this site is a professional writer, and whoever is and they're reading this little rant, then it doesn't include you. Nobody is perfect and there are some people who can't write an extremely good piece of dark and gloomy work, like me. But that doesn't give anyone the right to climb upon their high horse and begin flaming every story around!**

**I only posted this story because I figured I would be getting points on how to _improve _my writing of dark stories like this. Instead, I get flamed. Well, to be truthful, you just wasted a _hell _of a long time. I personally don't give a rat's ass what any of you think. I post _what _I want, _when _I want, regardless of whatever you pro-writer-wannabe's think or tell me.**

**Ya don't like, don't read. And don't flame, because it's a waste of my time and yours.**

**Here are quick replies to the reviews I've gotten so far:**

**Luna Wolf aka Matt4ever:  **_Aww, thank you so much!  I will totally continue this.  I'm glad someone likes this story.  Check the three replies below.  Think I'm being a little hard on them?_

**Ladidah: **_I don't care what you said about the whole generic thing. I don't care if you flamed my story, because personally, I don't care about your opinion. Yes, I realize I told you to give me your honest-to-God thoughts about the first chapter, but I didn't mean for you to climb up on your high horse and start flaming me. If you have a problem with me, well then screw you! I know I seem really angry and I might _sound _superior, but trust me, I'm not. I'm like everyone else on this site, someone who wants to improve their writing._

**Unknown: **_Well, aren't we too scared of the authoress's reaction to put our name down? Like I said earlier, if you're going to flame someone, and you don't put a name down, it shows everyone that you're just too scared of the authoress's reaction to your flame. You're acting like a big baby right now, running scared to your mother. If you weren't scared of my reaction, then you would have identified yourself. And, if you mention anything about me being rude to you, I'll just mention that you flamed me. It's pay back time._

**Yami-Yugi's Luva: **_Thank you! A positive review! Finally! I'm glad _someone _likes this story, apart from myself. And you're right. It was Matt, and an OC. My OC that is _not _a Mary Sue, regardless of what anyone thinks. Thanks for telling me that you thought this story was good. You made my day. ^_^_

**Music Chick, if you're reading this, everything I've said this far doesn't apply to you. You _actually _help me improve my writing. You don't flame me for the hell of it, like _some _people. You've always been there, helping me out, and I thank you for that.**

**With that out of the way, I will continue with the fan fiction.**

~*~*~*~*~ The Truth Comes Out ~*~*~*~*~

16-year old, Yamato "Matt" Ishida, sighed, putting his head in his hands.  His best friend, Tai, had called him from the Hospital, telling him Emiko Nakino, his girlfriend, had been brought in.  Tai hadn't fully explained what happened on the phone, but promised the blonde that when Matt came down, he would learn everything.  But Matt had been waiting for a half hour already with no news on his girlfriend's condition, and Tai was nowhere to be seen.

He checked his watch, and noticed it was almost ten at night.  He began to crack his knuckles, a nervous habit he had developed when he was younger.  

Seeing his best friend's little sister, Hikari "Kari" Kamiya, walk towards him, Matt jumped out of his seat, and practically ran towards the female.

"Kari, what happened with Emiko?"

Kari glared at Matt.  "She decided to commit suicide, Matt.  With a knife."

Matt was shocked.  Emiko?  Try to commit suicide?  No way.  That was impossible.  She hadn't seemed like that sort of person.  She seemed like the sort of person who had big dreams – who had a future, and plans.  He refused to believe it.

"Matt?"

Matt blinked.  "Huh?  What did you say?"

"I was asking you if you had noticed Emiko acting strange lately.  She's not the type of person who would do this out of the blue."

Matt sighed, and thought back a month to when it all began.

~*~  Flashback  ~*~

Matt had been walking in the park, waiting for Emiko to show up.  They were supposed to meet up there before heading to the mall.  At the time, they had been dating for six months.

Matt decided to sit down on a park bench, and jammed his hands in his coat pockets.  It was the beginning of April, and just a little chilly.  He stared straight ahead, and when he felt someone sit down beside him, he figured it had been Emiko.

"Hey –" Matt had began to greet the person beside him, but stopped when he saw Trisha, the Head Cheerleader of Odaiba High's cheerleading squad.  "- Trisha."

"Heya Mattie.  What's new?"

"I'm waiting for Emiko."

Trisha's face screwed up in disgust.  It was a known fact that Trisha hated Emiko because Emiko had been the one who had gotten to Matt first, and gotten him to fall for her.  Matt didn't exactly _hate _Trisha, but he didn't exactly _like _her either.

"Mattie, what do you say we ditch her and go somewhere?"  Trisha asked in a sexy-sounding voice.

"Uh, no thanks."  Matt answered, all the while wondering where Emiko was.

Tristan smiled sexily, and climbed onto Matt's lap, straddling him.  There was no one in the park at the moment, so Trisha wasn't embarrassed about doing what she was doing at the moment.  

Matt gulped nervously.  

"Um, Trisha?  What are you doing?"

She stared Matt in the eye with her violet orbs.  "Proving my love to you."

She pushed her lips on his, and tried to shove her tongue in his mouth.  As she kissed him, she wrapped her arms around Matt's neck.  When she broke the kiss, she whispered, "I love you much more than that tramp does.  You're too good for her."

She lowered her lips to Matt's again and this time, successfully had her tongue in Matt's mouth.  She moved her arms, and wrapped them around Matt's neck, trying to close the small amount of space.  

Matt grabbed Trisha's arms and forced them off of his neck.  He broke the connection between him and the blonde-haired, violet-eyed girl.  

"Trisha!  No!"  Matt ordered, wanting Trisha to stop.  Emiko could be here any moment, and if she saw Trisha and Matt like . . . this, she would get the wrong idea.  Matt knew that every guy Emiko had dated had somehow hurt her emotionally, and he had promised her, he wouldn't do anything to harm her.  He would end up breaking his promise if Emiko saw them.

Trisha grinned and smoothly replied, "You want me.  That little slut, Emiko, doesn't deserve you."

She, once again, for a third time, lowered her lips, but Matt let go of her hands, and grabbed the sides of her face, and made her lock her eyes with his.  Matt had to get through to her.

"Trisha, listen to me.  I don't love you.  I don't want you."  Matt explained, in a stern voice.

"You do.  Don't deny it."  Trisha tossed Matt a sly grin, and gently pulled Matt's hands off of her face.  "Now, I want you to prove to me you love me.  Kiss me Matt."

Without letting Matt answer, Trisha forced her lips on top of his.  She grabbed the sides of his face, so he wouldn't be able to move his head.

"You bastard."  a new voice said through the silenced air.

Trisha and Matt broke the kiss and stared at the figure who turned out to be –

"Emiko!"  Matt cried in a shocked voice.

Emiko stormed over to Trisha, pulled her off of Matt and threw her to the ground.  Hard. 

"Ow.  Who the hell do you think you are?"  Trisha complained, as she angrily stood up, brushing dirt off the long ankle-length denim black skirt she had been wearing.

"I _think _I'm Matt's girlfriend."  Emiko heatedly retorted.  Then she stopped and thought about it for a moment.  "Correction, was."

Matt stood up and walked over to Emiko.  He began to plead with her.  "Emiko, it's not what it looked like."

Emiko's eyes welled up with tears.  "It is Matt.  It's exactly what it looked like."

With that, and not letting Matt reply, Emiko ran off.

~*~  End Flashback  ~*~

"She saw me."

"What?"  Tai asked as he walked into the waiting room, where the other digidestined were waiting.

"Emiko saw me and Trisha.  She took it the wrong way."  Matt muttered, sitting down on the chair.

"What did Emiko take the wrong way?"  Sora asked, as she walked over and sat down near her best friend.

"That day, in the park.  It was about a month ago.  I was waiting for Emiko, and Trisha comes along, and begins to seduce me.  Emiko shows up, sees Trisha kissing me and ran off."  

"You son of a bitch!"  Tai yelled angrily as he picked Matt up by the collar and slammed him into a near by wall.  

"Tai!  Stop it!"  Kari cried, as Joe and Izzy tried to get Tai to let go of Matt.

Sora grabbed Kari and brought her out of the way. 

"You bastard.  Why didn't you stop Trisha?"  

"Tai –" Matt began, but broke the sentence as Tai slammed into the wall once again.  "I tried to stop her!"

"Tai, let go of Matt."  Joe ordered.

Tai glared at Matt and whispered in a deadly voice, "If Emiko dies, I'm holding you responsible."

He dropped Matt to the floor and stormed out of the waiting room.  Matt sighed, and remembered Tai had been best friends with her since they were eight.  But after the Heighton View Terrance bombing, her father had taken Emiko and moved her away.  It was because of the bombing that he moved and taken Emiko with him, and because he had been transferred, yet again.

Joe helped Matt to his feet, and with a "Thank you"  Matt walked into Emiko's room.

When he saw Emiko, his face went pale.  Emiko lay on the bed with an IV in her arm, her eyes were closed, and her breathing shallow.  The monitor beside her bed beeped slowly.  Matt walked over to her bed and sat down on the chair beside it.  He picked up her hand (the one without the IV) and kissed it.

"Emiko, I'm sorry.  I'm sorry I hurt you."

Emiko groaned and opened her eyes.  "Matt?"

Matt blinked away the tears that had threatened just a few moments before to fall.  "Emiko.  Thank god you're awake."

"Matt.  I'm sorry."  Her voice was hoarse, and had trouble breathing.

"Sshh.  Don't talk.  Save your strength."  Matt gently, and sadly replied.

"Matt.  Promise me something."

"Anything."

"Promise me. . ." At this point, Emiko took a deep breath.  ". . .you'll never forget me. . .keep me in your heart."

She closed her eyes, and Matt began to panic.  "No Emiko!  No, don't leave me!"

Without opening her eyes, she whispered, "You'll always be in my heart.  Keep me in yours.  I love you."

A loud beeping noise filled the room, and Matt began to cry.  "No Emiko.  I love you."

He slammed his head down on the mattress, as the tears rocked his body.  "No.  Emiko. . ."

~*~*~*~*~

**_Well, what do you think?  Please R&R!  _**

****

**_Oh yeah, this is for flamers.  You don't like this, and then if you want to flame, put your name on.  Or you're just wasting my time and yours._**

****

**_See ya next chapter!_**


	3. Goodbye

_Oh my god! People actually like this story? After I got flames, I was planning on stopping the story after the previous chapter! But many of you reviewers want me to update. I won't let you down! _

_Okay, about the little rant at the beginning of chapter 2, I'm sorry if anything sounded extremely rude. I was just really pissed off about the flames that those two people left for me._

_Here's chapter three of "To Die or Not To Die". This is the final or second-last chapter. Depends on what type of mood I'm in._

_Anyway, enjoy._

~*~*~*~*~ Goodbye ~*~*~*~*~

Matt walked between the rows of tombstones, searching for a specific one that had not yet been buried. 

He continued his search, all the while fixing the sleeves of his black suit. He hated wearing suits, because they weren't comfortable. But he figured he could wear one today. It was for her though, and everyone knows he would do anything for her.

As he neared the grave site of Emiko Nakino, he spotted his friends there, waiting for him. The Priest, and all of Emiko's friends and family members were there.

Matt stopped walking and gulped. He hadn't seen his friends ever since Emiko's death three days before. She had slipped into a coma after the doctors had gotten her heart working again. She stayed in the coma for two weeks (Matt had stayed at her side when he could and every available chance he got) but then she flat lined [1] and, even though the doctors did everything they could, the doctors and nurses were unable to get Emiko's heart working.

When Matt discovered this when he had come back to the hospital from school, he had broken down, crying. He had refused to leave the apartment, and talk to anybody. His girlfriend had died because he let himself be caught kissing another girl. 

"Hey Matt!" Sora called over to him. 

Matt looked up and sighed. Seeing Emiko's casket was bound to be one of the hardest things he would ever have to do. He had never accepted the fact that Emiko was dead. She couldn't be! She was 16, with big plans for the future.

The blonde walked up to the group and sadly whispered, "Hey."

**

The burial progressed slowly, too slowly for Matt's liking. He had just hoped that the burial would hurry and be over with. He hated graveyards. Too many people were here. Too many dead people.

The Priest stopped talking, and bowed his head. One by one, all of Emiko's friends and family approached her coffin, and accepted a rose from the bundles sitting on the grassy floor. They all kissed their own rose and placed it on the coffin. This was their last goodbye to a good friend. A good friend who had made an awful mistake.

It was Matt's turn. He walked up to the bundle, plucked a rose and stared at it for a few minutes. Images of Emiko and Matt together flashed through his mind. Their first date, their first kiss, the first time they danced beneath the moon on the beach after a late night picnic. And even more images of them and Tai and the others together, going to the movies, watching Tai and Davis kick off a soccer game between their teams, walking around the mall. 

So many good memories. That's all Matt had left of his girl – the love of his life. Memories. He would never hear Emiko's sweet, smooth voice anymore, or stare into her blue/green eyes, or smell her beautiful strawberry-scented brown/red hair.

He closed his eyes, and lightly kissed the pink rose before gently putting it on top of the coffin. He whispered 'Goodbye' to Emiko, and then went to join his friends. Kari, and Sora, and Mimi (who had taken a digital port down to Japan from New York) were all crying. The boys were all looking like they were about to cry, except Tai, who had just shoved his hands in his pockets, and kicked the ground. His head was down, so nobody could see what his expression was.

After the funeral and burial passed, everyone began to go their separate ways, except for the Digidestined. They stayed behind, and were thinking about all the times they spent with Emiko.

None of the Digidestined spoke to each other. They just stood by her tombstone, staring into the bright, blue sky and fluffy white clouds. When you were sad, why was the world appearing to be happy? Shouldn't the rest of the world be mourning with you? Shouldn't the sky be dark and stormy?

For a while, none of the kids did anything but stare at the sky and wonder. Wonder about Emiko and her sudden urge to leave them. Wonder why she kept things bottled up, like Matt when he was younger, instead of talking to someone and getting help.

Time stopped for no one, and one by one the Digidestined left the graveyard. Soon, Matt was the last one left. He turned around and walked away, but stopped after taking a couple of steps. The blonde turned around and looked at the stunning, grey marble tombstone.

After a few minutes, Matt sighed and walked away, into the beautiful and magnificent sunset.

The sunset's rays glinted off the tombstone, highlighting the words carved into it:

**Here Likes Emiko Nakino**

**Wonderful Friend and Caring Daughter**

**May you finally find peace and happiness**

**October 18, 1987**** - ****June 16, 2003**

**"One day, there will be peace and harmony among all living things. Then, will we truly meet."**

~*~*~*~*~ The End ~*~*~*~*~

**[1]  flat lined – your heart stops, and that one long monotone beep sounds.  Watch ER and you'll know what I mean.  (greatest show ever)  ^_^**

**Please R&R! This is the end of the story. But, I've been thinking of doing like an "Aftermath" chapter. You know, how the others are taking Emiko's death. Let me know what you think.**


End file.
